Is seven years (give or take) the natural lifespan of a monogamous relationship? If we didn't have social constraints, would most relationships end gracefully at about seven years?
It seems reasonable. Studies have found that animals whose children need more time and attention to rear are more likely to be monogamous. In human children, by the age of six or seven they're in school full time, so the intense pressure of caring for them has eased.
As I was driving home tonight I was thinking about multiples of seven as they relate to children. At seven, children are in school full time. At fourteen, they can take care of themselves if their parents want to go out for the night. I know some kids are capable of this a little earlier than fourteen, but not by much. The Department of Social Services would be knocking at your door if your eleven year old was home alone too much. And then the magical year, twenty-one. They are officially adults, and if they've gone to college on the four year plan, this is the year they graduate. They can vote, they can drive, and they can apply for their own credit...free at last!!
I wish I could find a sociologist who's either done a study about this or would be interested in conducting such a study. Many of my clients are at one of these milestones, with most of them around twenty or twenty-one years in their relationships. Maybe it's a coincidence and it's more their own age (early 40's), but either way I think it's a fascinating study of social culture.
The closest I've come to finding such a study is unfortunately in German, but I have a synopsis. Sociologist Gerald Mollenhorst created a study that investigated how the context in which we meet people influences our social network. In other words, if you met your husband at a bar, would he be as attractive as if your sister introduced you? Even though this study was about the context of our social networks, I think the results can be extrapolated with interesting results.
Mollenhorst conducted a survey of 1007 people ages 18 to 65 years. Seven years later the respondents were contacted once again and 604 people were interviewed again. They answered a number of questions relating to the context of how they knew the people in their network.
The results: personal network sizes remained stable, but many members of the network were new. Only 30 percent of the original friends and discussion partners had the same position in a subject's network seven years later, and only 48 percent were still part of the social network.
Left to our own devices, according to this study, we would naturally turn over our social network by 71% in 14 years. This confirms my suspicion that long term monogamy is a social constraint rather than the natural order or human beings. That doesn't make it right or wrong, but if you're hanging on to something because you think you're supposed to be in it "'til death do you part", think again.
On the other hand, one of the really cool things about being human is that we get to stretch our boundaries. If we really want to maintain monogamy, we can. Whether we choose to stay or go, we have ample opportunities to learn the lessons we've chosen to learn. Leaving without the lesson is like having coffee without the caffeine. If you like the taste, it's great, but if you need the jolt, you'd better stick around for it.
It seems reasonable. Studies have found that animals whose children need more time and attention to rear are more likely to be monogamous. In human children, by the age of six or seven they're in school full time, so the intense pressure of caring for them has eased.
As I was driving home tonight I was thinking about multiples of seven as they relate to children. At seven, children are in school full time. At fourteen, they can take care of themselves if their parents want to go out for the night. I know some kids are capable of this a little earlier than fourteen, but not by much. The Department of Social Services would be knocking at your door if your eleven year old was home alone too much. And then the magical year, twenty-one. They are officially adults, and if they've gone to college on the four year plan, this is the year they graduate. They can vote, they can drive, and they can apply for their own credit...free at last!!
I wish I could find a sociologist who's either done a study about this or would be interested in conducting such a study. Many of my clients are at one of these milestones, with most of them around twenty or twenty-one years in their relationships. Maybe it's a coincidence and it's more their own age (early 40's), but either way I think it's a fascinating study of social culture.
The closest I've come to finding such a study is unfortunately in German, but I have a synopsis. Sociologist Gerald Mollenhorst created a study that investigated how the context in which we meet people influences our social network. In other words, if you met your husband at a bar, would he be as attractive as if your sister introduced you? Even though this study was about the context of our social networks, I think the results can be extrapolated with interesting results.
Mollenhorst conducted a survey of 1007 people ages 18 to 65 years. Seven years later the respondents were contacted once again and 604 people were interviewed again. They answered a number of questions relating to the context of how they knew the people in their network.
The results: personal network sizes remained stable, but many members of the network were new. Only 30 percent of the original friends and discussion partners had the same position in a subject's network seven years later, and only 48 percent were still part of the social network.
Left to our own devices, according to this study, we would naturally turn over our social network by 71% in 14 years. This confirms my suspicion that long term monogamy is a social constraint rather than the natural order or human beings. That doesn't make it right or wrong, but if you're hanging on to something because you think you're supposed to be in it "'til death do you part", think again.
On the other hand, one of the really cool things about being human is that we get to stretch our boundaries. If we really want to maintain monogamy, we can. Whether we choose to stay or go, we have ample opportunities to learn the lessons we've chosen to learn. Leaving without the lesson is like having coffee without the caffeine. If you like the taste, it's great, but if you need the jolt, you'd better stick around for it.
About the Author:
Johanna Lyman
Articles Source: Is the Seven Year Itch a Myth?
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